I made a mistake… twice

I would like to take this moment to confess, I guess what could be considered a truly, awful, reprehensible, heinous crime. Part of the disgusting act is that I was actually quite willing and relaxed as I participated in the odious behaviour. What kind of human am I?! Such egregious behaviour doesn’t normally come naturally to me, but on this one evening or should I say two, I simply found myself without any internal questioning happily involved in the act.

Looking back I can now say I am somewhat disappointed in myself and after a long talking to the man in the mirror (no this isn’t a narcotics confession, a tale of too much cocaine, oh unfortunately much worse my brothers and sisters), as I say after some deep soul searching, I am still unable to truly unroot the reasons, find the logic behind why I did what I did. I am surprised at myself and have pondered why I indulged in the nefarious affair, but still where answers are concerned, I draw a blank. Okay, I know you’re itching to have some insight into this crime, and perhaps my overzealous use of words is merely a device I am adopting to procrastinate, to defer action, to delay, see, right in front of you I am simply repeating the dictionary description of the word ‘procrastinate’ to stall time. But I guess I must just come out with it. Perhaps after I have voiced my transgression, I will feel somewhat relieved and able to look at myself in the mirror again. Okay. Here goes… No, I can’t do it. Oh be a man for fuck’s sake! Okay, last week on, I think it was first Friday, and then Saturday, I… I… I watched… Top Gun: Maverick. Oh fuck I am sorry, please forgive me, honestly I really didn’t mean it. I am weak. I AM WEAK!!! Basically, to give you an idea of what exactly happened, on the Friday eve, I had had a glass of wine, I wouldn’t say I was inebriated, but possibly under the influence and so my girlfriend and I, yes I did have an accomplice, we decided together that we would watch said film. Oh just say it! Sorry, Top Gun: Maverick. Needlessly to say after 20 minutes we couldn’t take anymore. It wasn’t just the repugnant patriotic propaganda inseminating the sadistic seeds of American power reminding the world that there are rulers on this revolving ball of clay and there are followers. So get in line! And it wasn’t only the fact that this film was nothing more than an airborne version of that other classic franchise of cinematic genius ‘Fast and Furious’. And finally, it wasn’t just the fact that it starred Tom Cruise. Admittedly he has been in the odd, good film, I’ll need to research before I list them, but I’m sure I remember him once being in something possibly worth sitting through. There’s got to be something! Ah yes it was Magnolia… No it wasn’t just these three reasons, it was also most definitely the fact that it was just a really fucking terrible franchised formulaic ill-conceived story line lacking, let’s be honest, imagination and originality as they clearly copied the ‘classic’ original and merely added some younger thesps. So, after 20 minutes we had realised the errors of our ways, we had seen the light, it had become obvious that this time we would never get back! Or was it obvious? For the following night, like skag addicts trying to kick the habit without the skill or dexterity of… Beckham? (Forgive me here, football really isn’t my strong point!) we strapped ourselves back into our seats to watch the rest of the movie, and I’m ashamed to say we weren’t even under the influence at all that evening. What had we become? What was going in our minds to sit through this mental poison radiating from the screen? Maybe we were under some kind of influence. Well, it’s clear many were/are under the influence of the patriotism that sells these types of movies again and again and again given the amount of money it grossed! There seems to be no shortage of cash to keep sending out the message of extreme power and muscle about the West and how courageous they are against the evil ________ (fill in the blank with the current news propaganda baddy or use one you particularly like yourself). 

So anyway a few days later my girlfriend and I donated huge amounts of money to charity to relieve the guilt and have signed up to a chess and book reading club to stop us slobbing around in front of the idiot box and turning our brains into patriotic obedient mush. 

My, what Mavericks we are!

All 3 of Motta’s novels are available from Amazon

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